Have You Felt Like Giving Up Lately?
- David Wilkerson, "Have You Felt Like Giving up Lately?", USA, 1980
A growing number of ministers have been writing to me in recent months, telling of their concern for parishioners who are simply giving up. One minister wrote, "I see my church members trying so hard to cope with problems in their marriages and pressures in their personal lives. Just when it seems victory is within reach, they stumble and fall.
A growing numbers of Christians today are at the breaking point. Good, honest Christians are so often overwhelmed by guilt and condemnation, it causes despair. And when they can't live up to their own expectations - when they fall back into sin and get involved - they decide to give up. Few know how to pull out of a moral headwind.
Some ministers today continually preach only a positive message: every Christian is receiving miracles - everybody is getting instant answers to prayer - everybody is feeling good, living good, and the whole world is bright and rosy. I love to hear that kind of preaching, because I really wish all those good and healthy things for God's people. But that's not the way things are for a great number of very honest, sincere Christians.
The positive message is an insult to a lowly Jesus, who became poor, who died a failure in the eyes of the world. It is the kind of materialistic preaching that has so ill-prepared an entire generation to endure any kind of pain - to be content with such things as they have. Serving God becomes a kind of Olympic race in which everyone must strive for the golf medals.
No wonder our young people give up in defeat. They can't live up to the image created by religion, of a happy-go-lucky, rich, successful, always positive-thinking Christian. Their world is not that idealistic. They look in a mirror reflecting a face covered with ugly pimples. They live with heartbreaks, hour-by-hour crises and horrible family problems. They look into the uncertain future, frightened and worried; loneliness, fear and depression hound them daily. Positive thinking won't make their problems go away.
The sawdust trail for many has become the gold dust trail. The Bible has become a catalogue, with unlimited order blanks for life's goodies - for everyone who wants to
become a "silver" saint. anything having to do with job-like pain and suffering is considered negative living. We must remember that pain, poverty and suffering have befallen some of the saintliest of God's people - just like righteous Job.
What does the ministers say to married couples whose home is breaking up? It takes two to make a marriage work - in reality it takes three because the Bible says: "And a threefold cord is not quickly broken. " (Eccle. 4:12)
You may wonder why I am spending so much time talking about marriage, divorce and the home. But in my crusades, I talk to so many kids on the brink of suicide, and an overwhelming majority tell me their depression stems from trouble at home. Dad and Mom are having trouble. Or, they have already gotten a divorce.
Multitudes of husbands and wives are giving up on their marriages. A minister friend of mine, whose divorce had just become final, told me he has become a hero of sorts to some of his closest friends. One friend called and said, "Where did you get the courage to split up? Man, we're having trouble, too, but I guess I'm a coward. Wish I could take that step."
Another called and offered, "I admire your courage. You got out of a hopeless
situation. I guess I'll go on existing, living in misery. I don't want my kids to turn on me. That's the only thing holding me. I've given up completely on our marriage."
Many readers of this message are on the verge of giving up. You can't understand what is happening to you - to your marriage - to your home. Something is missing, and, try as you will, you simply cannot find the key to making things work out right. How many hours have you spent, all alone, trying to figure out where things went wrong? The magic is gone. The romance is gone. The communication is gone. In its place there ar now arguments, questions, suspicions, and cutting remarks.
A successful Christian marriage counsellor confessed his own marriage had been in jeopardy. "You just can't take any good marriage for granted anymore." he said. "I find I have to work harder than ever to keep a good marriage. I'm convinced Satan is determined to break up my marriage - and every good Christian marriage.
The secret struggles in the Christian's personal life are just as critical. the inner battles of the average Christian today are staggering in intensity and proportion. Multitudes are involved in situations too hard to comprehend. Like David the Psalmist, they confess, "My sins have overwhelmed me - they are too high for me to understand." Paul said, "For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened" (2. Corinthians 5:4).
I doubt we could even count the great numbers of Christians who groan in secret because of the burdens they carry.
Paul talked about, "...the troubles we experienced... We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself." (2 Corinthians 1:8).
If you pulled back the facade from every great preacher and every admired personality, you would find moments of deep depression. You would find the same infirmities you find in any normal Christian. We all have seasons of despair, accompanied by feelings of failure. At times, we have all had thoughts of giving up.
Every Christian reaches that crisis point at one time or another in life. And in that moment, when the walls seem to be caving in and the roof appears to be collapsing, when everything seems to be coming apart and sin demands the upper hand -a voice deep within cries out. "Walk away from it all. Run away! Escape!
David, overwhelmed by the evil in his heart, cried out, "Awake, Lord! Why do you sleep? Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever. Why do you hide your face and forget our misery and oppression?" (Psalm 44:23-24).
Christian - does it amaze you that great men of old faced the same battles you and I face today? The Bible says, "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." (1Peter 4:12-13).
The Christian doesn't need a supposed demon of despair cast out, as if his going would make life easier. Nor will God come down and do our living for us. The tempter will not be destroyed until that day God casts him into prison. Satan will always be here, deceiving, accusing and trying to rob every believer of his faith. The longer I live for Christ, the more difficult it is for me to accept easy, cure-all solutions. But, in my own struggles, I've found great comfort and help in two wonderful absolutes.
The first absolute is - GOD REALLY LOVES ME. God is not in the business of condemning His children - failures or not. He yearns over us as a loving father, wanting only to lift us out of our weaknesses.
I caught a glimpse of that love recently while walking in the woods around our ranch. Not once did I stop to consider the birds flying about, free and healthy. But suddenly, there on the ground just ahead flopped a crippled little bird. Struggling so hard to fly, the little baby bird could only flip over helplessly in the dust. I stooped to pick it up. It was then a familiar Scripture came flashing through my mind. "Not one (sparrow) shall fall on the ground without your Father" (Matthew 10:29).
God loves you, my friend. Often, we can recognize His great love only when
we have hit bottom and find ourselves in such need of it. You will have won a great victory if you can be convinced God loves you even in your wounded, crippled condition. It was a wound that made me kneel and show compassion for a helpless bird. And it is our wounds, our hurts, our helplessness that causes His love and compassion to overshadow and envelop us. Our strength is renewed by His everlasting love. Just rest in that wonderful love. Don't panic. Deliverance will come. God answers us by showing His love. And when we have learned how weak we are and have learned to trust His love and forgiveness - He will stoop down and gently help us back to the nest.
The second absolute is IT IS MY FAITH THAT PLEASES HIM THE MOST!
"Without faith it is impossible to please Him" (Hebrews 11:6). The Bible says, "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness" (Romans 4:3).
God wants so much to be trusted. That trust He counts as righteousness. I am convinced Satan wants to rob me of only one thing, my faith. He really doesn't want my morals, my good deeds or my dreams. He wants to destroy my faith and make me believe God has forsaken me. A fall is never fatal to those who keep their faith intact. In spite of continual struggles and feelings, I still believe in Jesus. I believe He will "keep me from falling and present me faultless before the throne of glory, with exceeding great joy." He loves me and He wants me to keep on trusting. "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you." (Isaiah 26:3).
Personal witness of David Wilkerson
I preach to thousands, yet there are times I feel so very dry - so far away from the warm presence of God. In these moments of dryness, I have no great yearning to read the Word - the reading of the Bible is done mostly through a sense of obligation. When I'm dry and empty, I feel little compulsion to pray. I know my faith is intact, and my love for Jesus is strong. There is no desire in me to taste the things of this world. It's just that I can't seem to touch God in those days and weeks of spiritual dryness.
Have you ever sat in church and watched those all around you getting blessed, while you feel nothing? They cry; they pray; they worship with tremendous feelings. But you are not moved upon - at all. You begin to wonder if there is something wrong with your spiritual life.
Some of your prayers have still not been answered. You don't shout or put on an emotional display. You have no big stories to tell about some fantastic miracle you've witnessed. It almost makes you feel like a second-class believer.
Recently, during a dry spell, I recorded my feelings. I think there are many Christians who will relate to these honest notations made in my diary. A note of caution before reading this very personal confession: when I talk about the sin in my own life - do not try to interpret that as some hideous, openly flaunted weakness. To me, whatever is not of faith is sin. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. I often fall into the gross sin of doubt. So, please do not read into my confession of sin something not intended. Think of your own sin as you read.
I wonder why God seems to be so distant at times. Is He angry with me? Does He have to hide from me because of failure in my life? Is God holding back on me in some way, bound by a contract in His Holy Word that demands He close His eyes in my direction because of my stubbornness? Does sin cause a separation? Is God really there, wanting to break through to me with overwhelming joy and peace - but unable to because of a barrier I have constructed as a result of a sin?
Must He hide - against His own will - because He honors His Word above His name? He hid from Israel in times of backsliding. Must He hide from me for awhile, until I see the horror of my sins and run from them? Does He finally get weary of my constant falling, and must He shut me off for awhile only because He loves me so?
I never once doubt my eternal salvation. What I do doubt is my ability to understand how God works. I have always felt the power of His great love. Even in my driest hours, the sense of His love for me is almost overwhelming. But it is not enough to know the Father loves you. It is not enough to believe all His promises. There must be more. There must be the nearness of the Lord. The still small voice. The joy of hearing that voice of Jesus.
Without the nearness of God, there can be no peace. The dryness can be stopped only with the dew of His glory. The despair can be dispelled only by the assurance God is answering. The fire of the Holy Ghost must heat the mind, body and soul. I want God's total presence.
In my dry moments, I confess my sins. I know He is faithful and just to forgive - and to cleanse me. But it is not enough to be forgiven and cleansed from yesterday's sins. I need freedom from the power of the sin that so easily besets me. Freedom from the slavery of all passions.
Somehow I know He will bring me out of this dry spell. I seem to know the promises will be fulfilled. In His time, in His way, He will turn my dryness into a river of love. His word will come to me. A new revelation of His will.
The Word of God is so vast. I know so little of how to find in it the answers to my personal needs. The only hope is that the Holy Spirit will supernaturally lead me to the truth that will set me free. I can't find it by myself.
I often discover how vain and foolish my desires were. I desire to undertake a new project, and it explodes before I can get started. Later, I learn my disappointment is a blessing in disguise. If God had not interfered and kept those desires from me, I could have destroyed myself. My desires can often be very morally bad. They can be fouled by lust. There is an entire breed of desires lurking beneath the surface, pushed upon us all constantly by our Adam nature - always breaking into the mind, mingling with our deepest and holiest thoughts, trying to make the mind accept them as God's thoughts. Very often, my personal desires are so dominate, so deeply imbedded, they invade my mind in the secret closet. They become so powerful and persistent, I allow them to deceive me into accepting them as the still small voice of God in the inner man. May God keep me from the deception of my own immoral desires, for they lead me into dry moments.